The more honest I become with myself the more I am accepting that I have been a people pleaser my entire life…so far.

It comes as naturally to me as breathing which means, it is going to be a long process to unlearn this behaviour and unlearn it I need to! It has not served me, helped me or actually added any pleasure to my life at all. In fact, it has made me miserable for the most part. So why do I keep doing it?

Interestingly, it is a very simple reason. Not feeling enough. When you don’t feel enough with low self belief, you walk around in an almost zombie state of people pleasing. It comes in the guise of “I don’t like confrontation” “I like seeing others happy” or “I’m just really easy going”. For some people that may well be true, a easy going, happy-go-lucky type of soul. However for some of us, it is down to fear of abandonment and rejection. For us, we agree to do things we really don’t want to, maintain (and I say maintain as it is normally one sided) relationships that gives us nothing in return other than pain and suffering. Yet we continue.

I’m in the process of untangling this mess but it is not easy and feels very selfish. My logical brain knows that feeling selfish is ridiculous however when you are someone who’s modus operandi is to please others, doing anything else feels fundamentally wrong. Saying “no” literally brings about a chaos of emotions in the body. It is not unusual for me to break into a sweat trying to say the word. It really is that hard.

Think of something you do every day without hesitation? Now imagine trying to NOT do that. Hard isn’t it.

So, I’m going to tackle this like I’m training for a marathon. A little bit each day until I can go 26 days without feeling guilt for doing something that makes me happy and not because it will be better for the other person and leaves me feeling bereft.

This is going to be interesting when I decide to start dating again because this is where boundaries and the courage of your own conviction comes into play. In the dating world, people pleasing again is a very quick and easy trap to fall into. We all want to be liked, loved and desired which makes it incredibily easy to go along with how someone is treating us rather than protect boundaries and saying no.

With all that said, I am in the headspace of putting myself first for a change, so let’s do this!

I’ll keep you posted.

Until next time…xx