It’s only taken 4 years but I’m finally free! Free from the hurt, anger, resentment and self loathing I’ve been carrying around due to my fiancé leaving me…pretty much at the alter.

To be honest this has crept up on me. For so long I have tried pretty much every type of therapy, coaching, crystals, journalling and mantras to try and “move on” as that was what everyone was telling me to do. Yet the process of moving on is so very different for each of us. Bearing in mind we were together a long time and have a child together it wasn’t something that I was going to get over in a hurry.

I remember a session with a great mentor and trusted friend who told me “not everyone has a F**k Them” moment. Some people simply wake up one day and realise they haven’t felt that pain or thought about that painful thing for a while. That is what has happened to me.

What would have been our 4th wedding anniversary passed last month and I didn’t even notice! In the past I have had to take a long holiday or done something spectacular to overshadow the looming day, this year I didn’t even realise it had passed until now. This is something I thought would NEVER happen! I am finally, truly, completely over it and over him. Wow!

I can think about him without the pain in my heart and butterflies in my stomach. I can picture him and his current girlfriend playing happy families with my daughter on his weekends without the jealousy tearing me apart and I can accept that the guys I tried to date were a distraction, a case of oneupmanship which didn’t make me happy and didn’t even affect him. All in all pointless.

If you are a guy I dated reading this, I’m sorry if I hurt you. That honestly wasn’t my intention and I did care for you just not in the right way because I wasn’t free.

How do I know I’m finally free? Because I, for the first time in 41 years feel totally comfortable with who I am as a person. OK, so I’m not the same shape or size as my 25 year old self but that’s a great thing because

1) I’m not 25 anymore

2) 25 year old me had so many hangups and insecurities she barely noticed how great life was back then

3) I’m a mother, a single mother raising a fiercely independent young lady and holding everything together; and most importantly

4) I’m living my best life right now. That life includes hormonal changes which result in body shape changes.

I love the woman I have grown into and I’m loving the woman that is continually evolving. She’s been through so much and is standing tall and finally loving herself.

So that my friends, means I’m finally free!